I began writing this because I know that after losing a pet, many people find themselves in a similar place.

     You are not crying all the time.But you are not truly “back to normal” either.Life continues, yet certain spaces grow permanently quiet.

   About twelve years ago, I lost my two Chow Chows, Leo and Nina.They were with me through an important chapter of my life, present in the most ordinary yet meaningful moments of my everyday routine. Nina passed away due to organ failure, and six months later, Leo died from gastric torsion. I was in my early twenties then, and it was the first time I experienced the loss of someone so deeply close to me.It was a completely new feeling. One I had never known before.For a long time, I cried constantly. Eventually, the crying stopped. But even after that, there were moments when the emptiness would suddenly arrive. Sitting at home watching TV, or driving alone at night, my chest would feel hollow and the tears would come without warning.

    Only after they were gone did I realize that what was hardest to adapt to wasn’t the loss itself, but learning how to keep living with their absence.Many people think healing means that one day it will stop hurting. But over these twelve years, I’ve come to understand that healing is more about learning how to live alongside what is missing.For a long time after they passed, I would be caught off guard by certain moments. Coming home and instinctively looking for them. Lying awake at night and suddenly realizing the room was missing the sound of familiar breathing. Logically, I knew they were gone. But emotions and the body do not catch up so quickly.

    And during the holiday season, this feeling tends to grow louder.

    Christmas is approaching again. Holidays are meant to symbolize warmth, joy, and togetherness. In the past, my family and I would take Christmas photos with them, buy them festive outfits, and even prepare special holiday meals just for them.After loss, however, these same traditions often become the strongest triggers for longing. The decorations at home, familiar rituals, memories from previous years all quietly remind you that someone who should be here is not. Even after many years have passed, the holidays can make that absence feel sharp again.This is the first thing I want to tell you: this reaction is normal.

1. Do Not Set a Deadline for Grief

    Even after twelve years, missing them still appears in unexpected moments, especially during holidays, anniversaries, or seasonal changes.Grief does not become “reasonable” with time.It simply changes the way it exists.

    There will be days when you feel steady, and days when sadness arrives without warning. This does not mean you have failed to heal. It means the relationship was real, and it still matters.

     Eventually, I came to understand that this isn’t about being unable to let go. It is simply love continuing to exist.When we accept that life ends, love becomes timeless.

2. Leave Space for Absence During the Holidays

    As time passed, I realized that what exhausts us most is not remembering them, but having nowhere to place that longing, especially during holidays when happiness is expected.There is a quiet sadness that comes with festive gatherings, the sense that they should be here too.

     For me, touch is an important form of comfort. Photos can sometimes feel distant, while something tangible, something that can be held, helps calm the emotional waves that arrive during the holidays. This is why I chose to remember Leo and Nina through wool felting. Not to replace them, but to give that connection a physical presence.You don’t need to choose the same way I did.

     What matters is whether you allow yourself to be honest about your longing during the holidays.

 3. Allow Life to Continue Without Guilt

      There were holidays when I felt light, even happy, and a sense of guilt would quietly surface. As if continuing to live meant leaving them behind.But over time, I understood that moving forward is not a betrayal.Laughter during the holidays does not erase the love that once existed.

     You are not letting them go.

    You are carrying what they taught you—companionship, patience, tenderness—into a new season of life.

4. Let Remembrance Live in Everyday Life

     Healing does not only happen on important dates.When all remembrance is compressed into holidays or anniversaries, the emotions can become overwhelming. When I allowed myself to think of Leo and Nina naturally on ordinary days, the holidays became gentler. The absence was still there, but it no longer arrived all at once.Absence never disappears.But it can transform from sharp pain into a quiet presence.

Even now, during certain holidays, I still think of them. The difference is that the longing no longer breaks me. Instead, it reminds me that I was once deeply accompanied and loved.Living with absence is not something to complete.It is a long, ongoing process of adjustment.

     You do not need to “move on.”You only need to find a way for love to continue existing,even during the seasons when missing them feels the hardest.